Mjolnir Is My Oyster
by SapSorrow
Summary: Short ridiculous crack fic...what happened after the woman on the Underground gave Thor such terribly wrong directions to Greenwich. T rated (probably unnecessarily!) only for some very British cussing.


**A short crack fic, set just after Thor got on that underground train towards the end of "Dark World". Explanations at the end for persons not familiar with the London transport system!**

**Mjolnir is My Oyster**

Thor is not sure what troubles him more; the fact that the woman on the train blatantly lied to him, the fact that a small but belligerent human is belabouring him in a strange and hard to follow accent or the fact that, having got off three stops along the line he has neither arrived at Greenwich nor has even successfully made it above ground again.

He gets off the strange otherworldly train and follows a bewildering series of, often wildly inaccurate signposting, up some curious moving stairs, past a series of moving posters advertising hair products and musicals – sometimes apparently in the same instance and to a bewildering line of curious electronic gates. He attempts to walk straight through one of these and is stopped by a red flashing light. He pokes at it. Nothing happens. He pokes again. Nothing continues to happen in response to a series of fiercer and fiercer pokes except that he starts to feel ashamed and awkward (Whatever would Loki think of him now?) – and he starts to attract the attention of a man shaped like a small fat nazi storm trooper. The small fat man approaches him just as he is on the verge of bashing the blinking red light with his hammer and says –

"Excuse me sir may I see your railcard?"

Thor frowns at the unknown word –

"May you see my what?"

"Your railcard sir? Your day rider? Your oyster card?"

"Oyster? Why would I need shell fish at this point?"

The man starts talking to him like he would a small child, very slowly –

"I need to see your travel card sir – you will have purchased one to get on the train."

"No…." Thor says, trying to make sense of this at the same time as worrying massively about the urgent need to get back to Greenwich – "I… have …no card…or crustacean."

"Are you foreign?" the man frowns, coming to a conclusion he can deal with.

"Oh my gawd!" squeals the woman behind him – "That's Thor! He's been on the news! He's not even from this planet!"

"I don't care if he's from outer Mongolia" the man says belligerently – "We cannot accept loss or damage to rail cards, you'll have to purchase a new one sir."

"But I – have no means to purchase such a thing."

"That's it – I'm calling security."

"Will they remove me to above ground? I need to return to Greenwich park urgently."

"Eh?" The man frowns – "Greenwich? You're way out mate, this is bloody Baker Street!"

"I do not understand – the woman said three stops down!"

"Bloody hell – three stops down from where?"

"I believe I got on at…." Thor racks his brains, then remembers a sign on the wall where he appeared – "Charing Cross."

"Well bugger me –" the man exhales – "You wanted to go southbound on the northern Line for starters – not northbound on the bloody Bakerloo! Now you'll have to take the Bakerloo back southbound, then change at Waterloo for the Jubilee Line – that's headed eastbound mind – you want to take that to Canary Wharf where you change to a DLS train – _that's _headed southbound for Greenwich – when you get to Greenwich….for the love of god ….what?"

The man breaks off, seeing the blank and slightly dangerous expression on Thor's face.

"I grow impatient of your non–sensical words" he growls – "And I have a hammer."

"Are you threatening me sir? The London Underground does not accept threats of violence to any of its employees –"

"These security persons you spoke of – they will throw me out of here?"

"You're damn right they will!" Says the irate little man, calling security over – "It's out of my hands now – you can fly to Greenwich for all I care!"

Thor sighs with deep relief –

"That sounds much more agreeable" he nods – "Why did you not just say that in the first place?"

_x_

**To explain – having trawled the London underground several times it is clear that Greenwich is not three stops down from Charing Cross as the woman told Thor it was. So it's been bugging me for weeks how he ever got out of the London Underground system, especially having no ticket. Visitors tend to get day riders, whereas native Londoners usually use a pass card called an "Oyster card". The route Thor would actually have had to take to Greenwich is the one I outlined there – it's ridiculous, even for the London Underground! So I figured he got off and flew! **


End file.
